Return with Elixir

I've completed this Hero's Journey with so much knowledge about myself.  I've learned a lot about the things I need to do when faced with these types of situations, like be humble and patient. I've learned that it's okay to be disappointed when things don't work out the way you've planned them. However, I've also learned that it's not okay to take that disappointment out on others.

 I've realized that my dreams are still going to come true, whether I attend the school of my dreams or not. I want to be a journalist, and I can do that no matter where I go. My career dream still has the potential to come true, and so does my life dream. No matter where I go, I want to be a leader. I want to change the lives of others for the better, so in turn they will want to do the same for someone else. That dream can come true whether I'm in Brunswick County, or Buies Creek, or even Wilmington, North Carolina. I want to inspire those around me. 

I'd just like to tell everyone that it's so important to have a dream - have millions of them. No dream is too big. Always remember, though, some dreams don't come true. That doesn't mean you're a failure. That doesn't mean you won't achieve your other dreams. It just means that there is something better out there waiting for you than you dreamed for yourself. Don't be bitter over life's disappointments. We all have to face the fact that life isn't fair. It isn't fair to anyone, so don't think it's just you. It isn't. Be inspired by the beauty you see in the world. Chase after your dreams, and if some of them don't come true, at least you can say you tried. Don't ever stop believing in yourself and your potential. You can do and be anything; you just have to let yourself go where life leads you. 

I'm ready to embark on my new journey at UNCW. I am confident that I will find myself there, and it will be more than I could have ever imagined for myself. That's what life is all about, right? Finding yourself and becoming your own person. After all, life is about the journey, not the destination.

Resurrection

Throughout this whole college decision making process, I have been transformed as a person. I've seen a side of myself that I'm not very proud of and that I wouldn't like to see again. I've seen how difficult it is to be humble sometimes and that one has to always choose to be kind even when times are hard. I've realized that patience is definitely a virtue. I've learned to believe in myself and my abilities, even when I don't think I can. 

I've gained a lot of insight about myself and my future. I'm not ashamed to say that I will be a UNCW Seahawk in the fall. I'm excited to find out what my life will be like there, and I can't wait to see who I'm going to become in the next four years. I'm still chasing my dreams, and that is the most important thing. That's one huge insight that I've gained from this journey: you can chase your dreams anywhere.

The Road Back

During this journey, I've realized that my "Ordinary World" doesn't have anything to do with Campbell. My "Ordinary World" is the one in which I live happily with the people in my life. It's the world where I feel comfortable in what my life holds for me. I felt that way when I was sure I was going to Campbell. I was comfortable in my own skin and was happy with my life. When all the changes started to happen with UNCW, I wasn't the person I usually am. I was unhappy and mean. I didn't like the person I was. I so desperately wanted to get back to the happy-go-lucky person I've always been. 

Now, thankfully, I'm making that journey back. I'm comfortable in not knowing what is going to happen at UNCW. I'm comfortable in my own skin again, and I think that is so important. I think it's especially important when a person is about to start college and be out on their own. I'm committed to being that person again, who is happy and secure in what the future holds.

Reward

Although, at the time I wouldn't have said this, but I'm so thankful I had to go through all this mess. I've gained so much insight into my life and my new journey. I'm more excited now to go to UNCW and see what it has to offer me. I have no idea what will happen there, but now I'm thankful to get this opportunity. I've learned that not everything in life will work out the way we want it to, but that's no reason to take it out on people we love. 

I don't worry about what my life would have been like at Campbell so much anymore. Mostly I don't because I'll probably never find out what it would have been like. That's how life is: you make all these plans, most of the time they don't work out, then you end up getting something better than you could have planned for yourself. 

I'm looking forward to my year at UNCW and meeting new people. I know my life is about to change drastically. I can't wait!

Ordeal

Ordeal doesn't even begin to describe what happened between Lexi and me today. I kept finding stuff out that had been said here and there, you know the typical high school drama. I got fed up with it, and I decided that I had to talk to Lexi about it because it was ridiculous. Long story short, we were yelling at each other in public, and it was very embarrassing. We had a lot of other bad stuff between us, but when she looked at me and said, "I think you're resentful toward me for going to Campbell when you can't," I just stopped. I am resentful toward her for going to Campbell when I can't. Hearing those words from someone else made it much more real to me. I just started crying. All I could say was, "I am resentful, and it's not your fault. But it's like you don't care at all." She told me that she did care and that she was so sorry that things didn't work out for me. She told me that I had to let it go because it wasn't good for me. She ensured me that things would work out at UNCW and that God has a plan for me there. 

I had a moment where I could literally feel the burden lifted off my chest. I could feel the anger and resentment towards her and the whole situation just disappear. The part of myself that was making me mean and hurtful towards others was gone. 

Needless to say, Lexi and I worked things out. It was a tough conversation to have, but I'm glad we had it. I knew it was going to be a bad argument, but no matter how bad it was, I think we both needed to get everything off our chests. I didn't realize how bad I had been hurting her, in the same way she had been hurting me. I'm thankful to have my best friend back.

Approach to the Inmost Cave

I've really been trying my best to accept and be happy for Lexi's decision to go to Campbell, but we have fought a lot about this. Mostly, it's my fault, but we currently aren't talking right now. I'm trying to face this conflict with humility, but think about it: if you were in my situation, would you be humble? I can almost guarantee you wouldn't because it isn't that easy. To watch someone else live out your dream is really hard, no matter what stage of life you are in. I have to let myself be happy about MY own decision to go to UNCW. I feel like if I can do that, I can in turn be happy for Lexi and her decision to go to Campbell. It's easier said than done. 

Plus, I don't even think she feels bad about me not being able to go there. It just seems like to me that she hasn't even given it any thought. That's what hurts my feelings the most. Am I wrong for that? Probably. Am I being humble? No. But she's not going to understand. That's why I haven't even

 tried to talk to her. Maybe I will though. 

Maybe that's what we both need.

Tests, Allies, and Enemies

Throughout this whole process, one obvious, major test I've faced is coping with the fact that I've had to let go of my dream. It hasn't been easy, but I've realized that my dream isn't completely shattered. UNCW is a great area to study journalism, and I'm lucky they even wanted me as a part of their student body.  I'm trying to see the glass half full and be excited about my future as a Seahawk. Although, a part of me will always be a Camel, I have to embrace my inner Seahawk.

               
I've had so many wonderful allies along this journey in my life. I have awesome friends who have encouraged me in my decision to go to UNCW. I have also had friends who have let me cry to them about having to choose a new path in life. Those are the people who I will remember long after high school is over. It's great to know that I have people who are supportive of me and want me to know that there is a plan for my life. My family has had my back 100% in this difficult time in my life. There was never a moment that I felt like I had to make this decision alone, even when I wanted to be myself. These people are the reason I've made it to where I am today.

    

    One of my best allies

An enemy that I'm trying to overcome is dealing with the fact that my best friend, Lexi, is attending Campbell, and I'm not. I've really struggled to be accepting of this. It just isn't fair, and I know that isn't her fault, but that still doesn't make me feel any better. I'm still waiting to see  what is going to happen with this.