Showing posts with label best friend. Show all posts
Showing posts with label best friend. Show all posts

Sunday, May 26, 2013

Ordeal

Ordeal doesn't even begin to describe what happened between Lexi and me today. I kept finding stuff out that had been said here and there, you know the typical high school drama. I got fed up with it, and I decided that I had to talk to Lexi about it because it was ridiculous. Long story short, we were yelling at each other in public, and it was very embarrassing. We had a lot of other bad stuff between us, but when she looked at me and said, "I think you're resentful toward me for going to Campbell when you can't," I just stopped. I am resentful toward her for going to Campbell when I can't. Hearing those words from someone else made it much more real to me. I just started crying. All I could say was, "I am resentful, and it's not your fault. But it's like you don't care at all." She told me that she did care and that she was so sorry that things didn't work out for me. She told me that I had to let it go because it wasn't good for me. She ensured me that things would work out at UNCW and that God has a plan for me there








I had a moment where I could literally feel the burden lifted off my chest. I could feel the anger and resentment towards her and the whole situation just disappear. The part of myself that was making me mean and hurtful towards others was gone. 

Needless to say, Lexi and I worked things out. It was a tough conversation to have, but I'm glad we had it. I knew it was going to be a bad argument, but no matter how bad it was, I think we both needed to get everything off our chests. I didn't realize how bad I had been hurting her, in the same way she had been hurting me. I'm thankful to have my best friend back.

Saturday, May 25, 2013

Approach to the Inmost Cave



I've really been trying my best to accept and be happy for Lexi's decision to go to Campbell, but we have fought a lot about this. Mostly, it's my fault, but we currently aren't talking right now. I'm trying to face this conflict with humility, but think about it: if you were in my situation, would you be humble? I can almost guarantee you wouldn't because it isn't that easy. To watch someone else live out your dream is really hard, no matter what stage of life you are in. I have to let myself be happy about MY own decision to go to UNCW. I feel like if I can do that, I can in turn be happy for Lexi and her decision to go to Campbell. It's easier said than done. 

Plus, I don't even think she feels bad about me not being able to go there. It just seems like to me that she hasn't even given it any thought. That's what hurts my feelings the most. Am I wrong for that? Probably. Am I being humble? No. But she's not going to understand. That's why I haven't even
 tried to talk to her. Maybe I will though. 
Maybe that's what we both need.